What is it about Chelsea? Here at SS.co.uk we could easily have picked Wright-Phillips, Del Horno or Drogba to examine after this game. As it happens, we chose Drogba, but Del Horno’s first half dive resulted in a free kick from which Ricardo Carvalho should really have scored and Wright-Phillips 90th minute triple axel resulted in a wholly unjustified red card for Robbie Elliott. Joe Cole and Geremi were at it as well. Why? Chelsea are a good enough team to beat anyone without cheating (except maybe Fulham) (Oh, and Barcelona).

But Drogba, as ever, was the master. So it’s him we concentrate on.

Frequency 6/10: Didier appeared to have been drinking heavily before the game. He was utterly legless from early on and mysteriously tripped over things that weren’t there on regular occasions.
Artistic Impression 8/10: Drogba’s 74th minute dive when being challenged by… er… no-one reminded us that in his home continent of Africa, landmines are a daily danger for innocent victims. His left foot would have been blown off if there had really been a landmine on the pitch at Stamford Bridge. Which of course, there wasn’t.
Effect 2/10: A couple of worthless freekicks. Big wow. One of his dives was even totally ignored – how dare you, Mr Bennett?
General Ref Hassling 5/10: Never one to keep his opinions to himself, Drogba didn’t keep his opinions to himself during the game. His high point was being booked for protesting about Joe Cole being apparently hit by a laser beam and only getting a free kick, which Drogba saw from 50 metres away despite facing the other way, but still knew better than anyone else. Incidentally, investigators of the JFK assassination in Dallas in 1963 have been approached by DD, as he “saw exactly what happened”.
Niggle Factor 4/10: A poor showing from one of the most annoying players in the English game. Plenty whining, but precious little niggle – booted the ball away petulantly after being caught offside (again!) but got away with it because… er… hmm. Not sure.

Total 50 %
We expect better (or worse) from DD, but he takes his rightful place at the top of our Diveometer League:

  1. Didier Drogba (CHE) 50%
  2. No-one

And for clubs:

  1. Chelsea 50%
  2. No-one

OK – here we go.

March 23, 2006

The Diveometer – how’s it going to work?

Marks out of 10 will be awarded to a given player for each of the following categories for any given game:

  1. Frequency of diving – how often did he do it?
  2. Artistic Impression – was it good quality theatrical diving? How far was the nearest player when he did it? 3 miles?
  3. Effect of diving – did he get the anyone booked? Did he win a penalty etc?
  4. General ref hassling – did he get his opinion in when he really didn’t need to? How was his moaning? Physical abuse scores extra, sadly.
  5. Niggle factor – how many of those “little things” did he do to annoy the opposition?

So that’s a mark out of 50, we’ll double it up to make a percentage and then stick it into a league table – one for players, one for teams. One note – the same player from any given team cannot be used twice in succession – i.e. it’s Drogba today, so another Chelsea player must be rated before Drogba can be used again. We don’t want to pick on anyone. Really.

Got it? Good.

Hi.

Thanks for reading StrikerSniper.co.uk, the site for you to voice your opinion on the epidemic of cheating, diving football players which is slowly ruining the beautiful game that we love.

We’re just setting up at the moment, but hope to be up and running in time for the World Cup which should be a DiveFest of note.

After that, we’ll be concentrating mainly on the Premiership and offering incisive comment and opinion as well as our soon-to-be-infamous Diveometer to rate the dives, the cheats AND the refs.

So click the RSS feed in the sidebar and come back soon – oh – and theatrically throw yourself through the door on the way out.

Cheers.